Over the years, I’ve done a LOT of relationship readings. They are my least favorite type of reading to do. I do feel that there is value in asking for guidance in our romantic connections, but many of the questions I am asked could be answered if couples learned to communicate more. I’m going to share here a few insights that I have received through these sessions. This it by no means a full list, but an invitation to take a look at your experience. Each day, we are able to step more fully into our connections. Not everyday is going to be wonderful, but there are things that we can to do connect, to be present and to love more deeply.
- You should not “need” your partner in your life, you should “want” them there. Too often we surrender out our personal power to our loved ones. We make them responsible for our happiness, our security, and sometimes a sense of self-worth. When we need them as if they are the air we breath (which may sound romantic) we are placing a dangerous responsibility on them. Wanting someone to be in your life with you is an invitation. When you want to share that space of love and connection with them, you are allowing them to be who they are, and you are not making them a necessity, but a part of the tapestry.
- Communication is vital. To me, communication is as important as fidelity. If you are not talking to the person you are sharing your life with, then you lose connection. In the age of technology we often count our email, Face Book, or texts as communication, but sadly it is not. E-communication is great for sending quick notes, reminders, etc.. but you should not have arguments, discuss big issues, or crisis using e-communication. When you sit in the presence of your loved one, you are there with them. When you show up to communication offer them your full attention. Life is full of distractions, don’t invite them into your relationship. Set aside time where you talk about your dreams, your ideas, your needs, your desires, your fears, issues within the relationship, things you are grateful for, etc. Allow communication to be something that is ALWAYS welcomed. When there is an open invitation to talk to one another, and it is actively engaged, true growth is able to happen.
- Love unconditionally. Too often I see clients comparing and contrasting current relationships with old relationships. Let the person you are with be who they are. We all have broken pieces. We all have baggage. Of course we have to respect our personal boundaries in a relationship, and if communication is open and active discussion about such things becomes possible. Love the person you are with by truly being there with them. Don’t just put your cell phones aside, turn them off. Keep some memories for yourself. Don’t live your relationships online, live it in the world.
- Be spontaneous. Life is too short to not have adventure and play. Stagnation brings negativity. Shake things up a bit, show the person you are with that you love them. Leave notes for them around the house, leave a list in their pocket telling them how grateful you are for them, play board games, have great sex, don’t plan life out so much, leave room for play.
- Relationships end. “Till death do us part” still means that at some point it is going to end. Too often we forget how finite time is. We are not guaranteed any tomorrows, or even our next breath. I do say this so that you will live in fear, but more so that you will live in gratitude. At the end of a relationship we often regret not talking things out more clearly, we regret not being more spontaneous, we regret not showing up for fully. The realization that death exists allows us to be more purposeful with our time. Say I love you more. Hold your lovers hand. Kiss them frequently. Look into their eyes and really see them, breathe in each moment fully. If/when it does end, you’ll have countless beautiful memories to look back on in gratitude instead of regret.
I still do relationship readings if necessary. I will usually only answer questions that will help my client improve themselves within the framework for the relationship. Taking responsibility for who YOU are allows you to show up more fully, to be more present, and to love more fully.
You can also join me this Thursday on Soul Empowerment Radio (8/147/2014) as I take this conversation a bit deeper. If you are reading this beyond the show’s air date, all the shows are archived so you can still listen in.
You are Loved. You are Beautiful. You are Divine.
Michael A. Brazell